Christmas Eve With The Joker
by Foally
Summary: A Christmas Gotham will never forget. Please R&R!


Gotham City

Christmas Eve

The night air was cold, one of the coldest nights this winter, most people took shelter in there houses or stores, but it was closing time, and they still had to make it to their cars. Everyone seemed to grab there coats in unison, wrapping their scarves tightly around there necks and flipping the collars up closely to there heads. They locked there stores and slid down and protection the had for their window displays, that wasn't going to help them tonight, tonight there was going to be nothing to protect them from me, tonight I was doing some last minute Christmas shopping.

I stood up from my desk and stretched, it had been a long night of planning and I had finally completed what I was after: the perfect robbery. I would flash freeze the metal window protectors, or whatever there called, then shatter them and it would only sound like someone's window shattering and no one would be too alarmed. I would then waltz on into the store, take anything I wanted including Harley's Christmas present (which she has been begging me for since July) and waltz back out again. As long as the flying rodent didn't show up, it would be a lovely Christmas Eve, and I could spend the rest of the night with Harley beating some layer silly, it'll be great.

I started for the door when Harley's face peeked out from around the corner, grinning ear to ear. "Oh, puddin'! Are you going Christmas shopping for little ol' me? Cause if you are, I wrote up a teeny tiny list for you" she pulled out a roll of paper and then let it drop to the floor, and then in between my legs and out the door. I grabbed the piece of paper closest to me, and looked at it: it listed every kind of explosive devise, material and all around flammable object and that was just the two feet of paper I could see from where I was standing. "He-he, uh... Darlin' sweetie pie, what about that bazooka you wanted? What happened to just needing one explosive weapon this year?" Harley was now in full view and did not look pleased. "You said that I could have anything I wanted this year, because we had hit it big and that you could afford that kind of stuff!" she had now gone from angry to upset and on the verge of either blowing something up or crying.. She was right, we had hit it big, I got a tone of money from a robbery two months back, but I was planning to use the money to build a ray gun to blow up random buildings through out Gotham. "Awe, sugar pie, don't cry! You'll get the cement floor all wet, aww man! Fine I'll see what I can do about this list, I can't promise anything, but I'll do my best" Harley immediately perked up and persisted to charge into me so hard that instead of a hug, it was more of a tackle. I grabbed my coat, pried Harley off me and walk out the door towards the shopping district. I figured I could just Harley's list to the rest of the stuff I was going to take in the robbery tonight. This is going to be a long night.

As I swerved through Gotham's alley ways and shortcuts, I stopped and peaked inside some of the homes also celebrating Christmas Eve. A lot of them were eating turkey or some kind of animal and some of them we're watching Christmas specials that after it ended, they would play it again and again and again. I don't know how they do it, it must be so boring! So...planned! So...I don't know, it's just not my kind of thing, I guess. I pushed the silly thought out of my mind and I continue to my mission objective, I felt like some kind of army commando and at that started walking like one, very straight legs "Left! Right! Left! Right! HAHAHA" I cant believe people actually walk like that.

I continued to laugh and walk like that all the way to the store.

Once I got to the store I looked at the sign to make sure it was the right store: "BIG GEORGE'S EXPLOSIVES AND ARMY SURPLUS" well, I do believe I have found Harley's new favourite store and this store will be robbed frequently once she knows it exists. I reached into the sack that I had brought with me that had the flash freeze liquid dispenser. It was basically a flame thrower without the flame; I placed the tank on the ground and grabbed that handle with the hose attached to it. I made a shotgun loading action with my hands and said "asta le' vista baby!" I couldn't help myself; it just never gets old in my opinion. I had just started to spray the blue liquid on the metal protector when a huge gust of freezing cold air whacked right into me and sunk straight into my bones. "Ohhh, burr! It's colder then a which's pinkie toe out here!" HAHAHA! That's a good one; I have to use that one more often! I looked around to make sure no one had heard my out burst, once the coast was clear I continued on with my spraying. I started to hum that song about a little light I had heard once while I was robbing a Church. After I figured I had frozen enough of the metal thinger, I took out a sledge hammer and rested it on my shoulder "batters up!" I stood in a batter's position and spit on the ground, shifted my weight a little, then took a giant swing! The hammer collided with the frozen metal and the metal shattered into a thousand tiny pieces. I looked around again to make sure there were not shiny blue and white cars flying towards me, or a black object swooping from above. After I was sure it was safe, I climbed into the hole that was just big enough for me to fit in.

I looked around, it was dark and I almost tripped over what I thought was a C4 detonator, but turned out to be a TV remote. I reached into the sack and pulled out some night vision goggles I had picked up on a gig a couple of months back; I new a flash light would awake the neighbours and a light on would arouse suspicion, so I went with the night vision. I flicked the switch and looked around again, this time seeing everything in a greenish black glow; I pulled out Harley's list and looked over it quickly, then scanned the room to find the particular object on the list. "Four pounds of C4 plus detonator, 700 magnum revolver rounds, 100 bazooka missiles, 230 sticks of dynamite; whoa! I'm going to need to borrow a truck!"

I looked around for a truck, but only found a small van with the same sign plastered on it as the sign for the store. I went to the door and luckily it was open, I hoped into the seat, buckled and seatbelt and then asked everyone else in the car if they had there on (even though there wasn't anyone there) "Ok, hands at three and nine o'clock positions, mirrors are straight, no blind spots...ok, good to go! HAHAHA!" I went to start the van, but there were no keys in the ignition "hmm, where would I hide my keys is I was Big George? In the glove compartment? Nope...how bout' in the sun visor?" I opened up the sun visor and the keys dropped right into my lap, I took a giant grin at how people can be so dumb then started the car. I backed the van up to the little hole in the window and opened up the doors to the back of the van, hoped out and continued to load the van with various weapons, explosives and other things of destruction.

After I had loaded all that I could and saw the van starting to sag at the axels, I decided that Harley would have to do with what I got her. I closed the two loading doors in the back of the van, grabbed my back pack and hopped into the driver's seat and started the engine. I peeled out of the parking lot and headed back to my base of operations, I drover through my escape route perfectly, of course it was a tight squeeze getting through the alley ways and shortcuts because I was in a van, but none the less, I was making good time. On my second last alley way to get through something made a large "CLUNK" on the top of the van. I would have stuck my head out, but the walls speeding by me would probably have taken it off, HAHA. "Ohh! Santa's here! Santa's here! HAHA!" I had a feeling that this large "CLUNK" was probably the Bats trying to stop me from getting all these presents to my Harley, and Harley can be a little difficult when she doesn't get her way, so I couldn't let Bats stop me.

So on my final stretch what just happened to be a straight one, I jammed a brick of C4 on the peddle and I was sure the van wasn't going anywhere but straight, so I jumped up and climbed over all the stuff I had in the back, opened up the silly, plastic sunroof the van had and stuck my head out. "Helloo? You know, your suppose to go through the chimney, but I guess the sunroof works!" I looked around and then just as I turned around, something grabbed me and tried to pull me out of the tinny sunroof; it didn't work, and I smiled at the attempt. So, instead whatever was up there, decided to give me a good punch to the head and I immediately recognised the punch, and I was right about the Bats.

I fell down back into the van and shook my head of the little birdies flying around head. I looked around for something I could use to kill this annoying piece of guano (that's Spanish for bat droppings, HAHAHA) and my hand came across the bazooka, and the 100 rocket ammo. I grabbed the long tube, dropped a rocket into it, flung it onto my shoulder, locked the rocket into place with a click, stuck it through the sunroof and fired randomly. The rocket flew just past Batman's head and collided into the wall behind him; it then exploded on impact and created a giant shockwave that shook the van, and the bats around. I hear another "CLUNK" and I figured the flying rodent had fallen of balance, so I took this chance to get back into the driver's seat and try to shake the bat off my van! I was nearing the opening of the alleyway and was running out of time before the Bats could swing around; break my window and then my jaw.

So I grabbed a couple of grenades and tossed them out the window hoping they blow up before going past him. One out of the three actually blew up on time sending him flying backwards and falling off the van. "Last stop! Rock hard asphalt! HAHA!" I risked a peak outside the window and what do ya know, he's being dragged along on one of his annoying batathingers! I thought about what I could use and then my flash freezer came to mind. I grabbed it from my bag and put the brick of C4 back on the peddle and swung open the back doors, this time not caring if I'll hit anything. "Hey! Bats, Christmas can be quite cold! You should dress for the season, instead of those tights!" at that I pulled out the flash freezer and shot the blue substance at batman's cord and then some on batman himself; the cord broke almost instantly and batman slid to a stop, trying to get the cold substance of him. "Merry Christmas, BATMAN! HAHAHAHA" I smile to myself and then close the doors.

I hop back into the driver's seat just as the can almost collides into a poll. I grab the steering wheel and swerved the car in time to miss the poll, but drive through a mailbox; I keep on driving, all the way till my base of operations. I pull into the garage, and inside, Harley's standing there in her bathrobe with a worried look on her face. "OH, Pudin'! Are you alright? I heard crashing and explosions and, and, I was so worried!" I looked at her with a confused look, then I smiled back at her "I'm fine, darlin', just a little run in with the bats, nothing to concern yourself with! He won't be back, HAHAH. Now you are not aloud to look in this van, because you will ruin the surprise, OK" She cocks her head to the side, then leans to the left to see if she could get a peak in somewhere. "Ok, sweetums. Did you get everything on my list?" I pulled out the list and scanned it up and down until there was too much paper to handle "Ah, yes, I did" She smiles back at me, Oh, good, Is it Ok if I give you your Christmas present early?" she starts to undue her bathrobe and underneath she's wearing her skimpy, red nightgown. I smile, and look her up and down "No, I don't think that'll be a problem"

As I was about to leave and head to the bedroom, I could hear an annoying beeping sound coming from the bottom of the van. I leave Harley's warm embrace and go to check the bottom of the van; I get down and look underneath the van and low and behold: a stupid bat tracker. "Aw, CANDYCANES! He's tracked my van!" just then the skylight in the garage shatters and I get kicked in the head. "Oh, hey Batman! Merry Christmas, don't punch me in front of the mises- " but that's the last word I got in that night.

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Merry Christmas Everybody! And a Happy New Year!


End file.
